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Rómeó és Júlia kicsit másképp XD

Rómeó és Júlia kicsit másképp xD

Kar:

Két nagy család élt a szép Veronába

Ez lesz a szín, utunk ide vezet

Rómeó nem nyúlhatott Júliához,

Mert nem kapott szabad kezet

De Ő megtette ezt, s ahogy írva volt,

Megrázta Őt a 380 Volt.

Csak amikor már sarjuk föld alatt van,

Ezt mondja el e 10 perces darab.

Néző, türelmes füllel jöjj, segédkezz,

És mi eddig csonka volt, itten az egész lesz.

 

Rómeó:

(bejön létrával a kezében, hasra esik)

De kuss, Júlia vetkezik

(sztriptíz következik)

Látom amint ruhája, omlik a válláról

S tar fejét megfosztja parókájától

Kinyitja az ablakot, s dús hajába tép a szél

Itt látom én, hogy Bánfiból egy liter is elkél

Te vagy számomra az élet,

Nélküled én nem is élek.

Mosolyod számomra meghozza a tavaszt

Hát nem érted, szeress Te paraszt.

(suttogva halkan hogy amaz meg ne hallja)

Lám meglát engemet, amint a földön heverek

(s fölkiált)

 

Júlia:

Ó, Rómeó, de nem az,

Csak Romja ó, Romja ó

Óh, Rómeó, miért vagy Te Rómeó?

Dobd el neved,

S vidd innen a mocskos kezed

Tagadd meg atyád,

S told le a gatyád.

 

Rómeó:

Ó, Júlia, szeretem szemed

Mely kancsal, s üveg

Szeretem füled,

Mely a válladon lebeg

Szeretem orrodnak két hatalmas likát,

Melyen a pesti gyors röhögve fut át.

 

Júlia:

Ó, Rómeó, szeretem fejedet

Azt a kerek holdat,

Melyen már nem segít

A hajnövesztő oldat.

 

Rómeó:

Ó, Júlia, beléd estem mint vak ló a gödörbe,

Érted könnyezem a felmosó vödörbe.

Ha méhecske volnék, mézet hoznék eleségül,

Ha marha volnék, elvennélek feleségül.

 

Kar:

Így fejezte ki Rómeó fröcsögve szerelmének hevét,

S ennek is Júlia itta meg a levét.

RÓMEÓ & JÚLIA (Duódráma)

R: Megyek hát, s tüstént szólítom kedvesem,

Hisz biztos reám vár talpig tetvesen.

De csitt! Mi fény villózik amott?

Konnektorba nyúlt, s ettől görcsöt kapott.

Ó, én egyetlenem, segítenék máris,

De nem teszem, hisz látom élvezed a fázist.

 

J: Bűzt hoz a szellő, ez Rómeó lenne?

Ilyen szaga neki van, biztos vagyok benne.

Elindult felém, ide vezet útja,

Remélem, hogy erejéből több menetre futja.

Jöjj hát szerelmem, s csókold meg ajkamat,

De sietned kell, mert bélgiliszták hajtanak.

 

R: Mily furcsa a hangja, csak nem esett baja?

Tán rühes a kedves, hogy hullik a haja?

Ó, a galád tele van kéjjel,

Biztosan megcsalt mással az éjjel.

 

J: Ne szólj így Rómeó, hisz meg szűz vagyok.

 

R: A füledre kedves, attól hallasz nagyot.

 

J: Szerelmem Rómeó, ne gyanúsíts engem,

Hisz éjjel az odúm csak terád fentem.

Loboncos trombitád, mely igen derék fajta,

Nyújtsd fel hát íziben, s felhúzlak rajta.

 

R: Értem a terved, fáj a fogad a golyóra,

Húzzon fel inkább a Vágó Pisti rolója.

 

J: Hármat kérek kedves, ölelj, csókolj, szeress,

Szoknyám alatt íziben mamutfészket keress!

 

R: Ide figyelj kedves! Mit mondasz, csupa vidámság,

De nincs itt a Dévényi, ez nem három kívánság.

S most mondok neked szépet én is Júlia:

Arcod látványától kipusztul Grúzia.

 

J: Szerelmem Rómeó, hangod mint az álom,

Meredő tagodat epedve várom.

Tudom, hogy féltél, s éjjel reám vártál,

S félelmed jeléül megtelt az ágytál.

Tudom, hogy szeretsz, s imádsz kellőképpen,

Vizelő kacsád kimutatta nékem.

 

R: Szót se többet erről, hisz elég a bajom,

Az engem ért csapást szó nélkül nem hagyom.

Keserű a sorsom, melynek tűz az oka,

Házunk égésének nagy volt a foka.

 

J: Ezek után Rómeó nem élet az élet,

Haljunk meg együtt, igyuk meg e mérget.

Az élet örömeit már élvezni nem merem,

Mert napok óta sajog, s gyötör aranyerem.

Ég veled hát kedves, az életet már utáltam,

S ha meghaltam, jöjj te is utánam.

(Júlia megissza a mérget, s meghal.)

 

R: Balga lány, mit képzelsz! Hogy halni veled menjek?

Odébbállok, s inkább maszturbálok egyet.

 

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